Joy and Grief

I couldn't be happier to announce that we received a referral for a 7 month old boy last Tuesday, on March 30th. It was late in the afternoon. Daniel and I had just returned home from a walk, and I went upstairs to finish my work. I had been having problems with my work phone earlier in the morning, so was running behind and still had lots of patients to contact. I remember looking at my cell phone and it was almost 4pm, and thought to myself... 'I guess they won't be calling us today'. Maybe 5 or 10 minutes later, my phone is ringing and who is on the caller ID, but Holt. I couldn't believe it.

I answered the phone, and our social worker says hi to me, but then a pause. Gosh, they shouldn't even use a standard greeting. When the phone is answered they should just blurt out 'we have a referral for you'. The few seconds of suspense is mind boggling. I asked her if she had news for us and she said something like is " Yes, is Daniel around?" My response, something like "Who...what?". "Daniel", she says. I think, oh yeah Daniel, my husband, and say, "He is downstairs, let me go down there". As I announce down the stairs and hallway, "You'll never believe who is on the phone!". He kind of already knew, as he had just checked his messages and had a message from our social worker to call her back. He was actually on hold with the front desk, waiting for our social worker, while I was on the phone with her.

We were breathless as we listened to the information she had to give us, and heart broken to hear the details of his life so far. I had read/heard from other parents, that they had not been prepared for the grief they felt upon receiving a referral. So, I had been trying to prepare myself, but to no avail. The grief hit me harder then I expected. We were, and still are, very sad to think of what our boy has had to lose, and what he will continue to lose in the coming months. (And we know there are millions of children with similar stories around the world.) But he will gain...he will gain a loving family, lots of nutrition, health care, a good education, and lots of opportunities...and did I already say lots and lots of love and nurturing.

After all of this, which took a couple hours to process and be able to function again mildly. I had to go back to work. I couldn't see how I would ever be able to concentrate on work again. But this week, I think I have my concentration back. It's back to work, back to the gym, back to cleaning out the closets in the baby room, back to cleaning out and organizing our nest, and back to waiting.

Now we wait for a court date in Ethiopia, and hope and pray that everything is in order for this date, so we can pass court on the first time. We are not legally his parents until the case gets approved in the Ethiopian court system.