Yesterday I Heard...

...the phrases, "your new adoptee" and "baby shopping".

It bothered me. I have read about and listened to other adoptive families discuss wording and phrases that they find inappropriate or insensitive adoption language. And I have always thought, 'I don't think that is going to bother me. I think they are being too sensitive.' But then yesterday, these words came out of peoples mouths and I found myself shocked for a second and taking a deep breath.

I took these phrases away from their context and from people that I know mean no harm, but still it affected me in a not so nice way.

I guess I understand that these people haven't been sitting in classes about adoption for months like I have. They haven't spent the past few years reading, researching, and learning about adoption. They haven't spent just about every waking (and sleeping) moment thinking of this child...this child...who they will be, where they will come from, what they will be like. To them, this new and strange picture is "my new adoptee", not my child. I guess I can't fault them. I know I need to educate them, but it's hard when I am taken off guard and holding my breath.

I can't blame them, can I? I have trouble saying "my child", "my son". It's not official yet. We still have to pass court for this to be legal on paper. But in my heart this is our child. It's like when I got married, though. I couldn't call Daniel "my husband". In fact saying such a thing would reduce me to laughing and giggles. I had to get used to "having a husband". I have to get used to having a child, to having a son. It may seem more real to others, and to us, if I had a growing belly to see. But rest assured, this child is real, he won't be our adoptee, he will be our son.

As for the phrase "baby shopping". I just hope I never hear that phrase again.