...the phrases, "your new adoptee" and "baby shopping".
It bothered me. I have read about and listened to other adoptive families discuss wording and phrases that they find inappropriate or insensitive adoption language. And I have always thought, 'I don't think that is going to bother me. I think they are being too sensitive.' But then yesterday, these words came out of peoples mouths and I found myself shocked for a second and taking a deep breath.
I took these phrases away from their context and from people that I know mean no harm, but still it affected me in a not so nice way.
I guess I understand that these people haven't been sitting in classes about adoption for months like I have. They haven't spent the past few years reading, researching, and learning about adoption. They haven't spent just about every waking (and sleeping) moment thinking of this child...this child...who they will be, where they will come from, what they will be like. To them, this new and strange picture is "my new adoptee", not my child. I guess I can't fault them. I know I need to educate them, but it's hard when I am taken off guard and holding my breath.
I can't blame them, can I? I have trouble saying "my child", "my son". It's not official yet. We still have to pass court for this to be legal on paper. But in my heart this is our child. It's like when I got married, though. I couldn't call Daniel "my husband". In fact saying such a thing would reduce me to laughing and giggles. I had to get used to "having a husband". I have to get used to having a child, to having a son. It may seem more real to others, and to us, if I had a growing belly to see. But rest assured, this child is real, he won't be our adoptee, he will be our son.
As for the phrase "baby shopping". I just hope I never hear that phrase again.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Dropping the baby!
Yesterday, Daniel and I were in an all day Baby and Toddler Care class for adoptive families. We had to get there early to pick out a baby, diaper it, dress it, and pick out a carrier to carry our baby around in. We were instructed to take care of our baby throughout the day (8 hours). The most interesting part of all that was getting to try out different baby and toddler carrying devices.
The day went really well, I thought. The nurse speaker was great and the information throughout the day was very helpful. We got to meet more families in the process of adoption and a few more couples that are adopting children from Ethiopia.
In the last part of class, we had a young woman born in Korea and adopted into an American family come and talk with the class. She is also an adoption professional that works with an organization in the area. We were all divided up into different groups during an exercise she had us doing. During this time, I hear a loud crash and thud, and the group catching their breath and ohhh-ing. And what do I see, but my baby on the ground! My husband had dropped our child onto the ground. When I got our baby back his head was turned halfway around. Daniel assured me he was fine. Hopefully, practice makes perfect....
The day went really well, I thought. The nurse speaker was great and the information throughout the day was very helpful. We got to meet more families in the process of adoption and a few more couples that are adopting children from Ethiopia.
In the last part of class, we had a young woman born in Korea and adopted into an American family come and talk with the class. She is also an adoption professional that works with an organization in the area. We were all divided up into different groups during an exercise she had us doing. During this time, I hear a loud crash and thud, and the group catching their breath and ohhh-ing. And what do I see, but my baby on the ground! My husband had dropped our child onto the ground. When I got our baby back his head was turned halfway around. Daniel assured me he was fine. Hopefully, practice makes perfect....
Friday, April 30, 2010
Daniel's Birthday and Court Dates
Friday afternoon we got an e-mail from our adoption agency that our court case had been scheduled with the Ethiopian courts for May18th!! Throughout the whole process they state that it can take 2 or 3 dates to pass through the Ethiopian court system. Many things can happen to delay the process. In Addis, the capital, there are frequent power outages which of course interrupts the work day. Paper work can be missing or done incorrectly. In certain cases, the relinquishing party has to appear in court for the case, and if they are unable that will delay the case. Sometimes there are just too many cases scheduled on one day and they can not all be heard and end up being rescheduled. Our agency has forewarned us that there are many cases scheduled on May18th, so not to be surprised if the case is rescheduled.
We are still going to be hopeful, though, if all goes well, we will pass court on our first date! May 18th is Daniel's birthday, so we think that is a good sign, somehow. When our adoption case is approved in the Ethiopian court, this will mean we are the legal parents to our boy. Some people have wondered if we have to be in Ethiopia for this date. We do not. We, as far as we know, are in the group of adoptive parents that fall under the "old rule", the one trip rule. We have been told if your court case was submitted to the courts prior to May9th, which ours was, we only have to make one trip to Ethiopia. Cases submitted after May9th, will have to plan to make two trips to Ethiopia to adopt.
If we pass court on May 18th, we will then be waiting for an Embassy appointment in Ethiopia. Yes, I did say waiting, waiting again. This typically happens 6-8 weeks after the adoption has been approved in the Ethiopian High Court. If all goes well, we think we may be traveling as soon as July.
We are still going to be hopeful, though, if all goes well, we will pass court on our first date! May 18th is Daniel's birthday, so we think that is a good sign, somehow. When our adoption case is approved in the Ethiopian court, this will mean we are the legal parents to our boy. Some people have wondered if we have to be in Ethiopia for this date. We do not. We, as far as we know, are in the group of adoptive parents that fall under the "old rule", the one trip rule. We have been told if your court case was submitted to the courts prior to May9th, which ours was, we only have to make one trip to Ethiopia. Cases submitted after May9th, will have to plan to make two trips to Ethiopia to adopt.
If we pass court on May 18th, we will then be waiting for an Embassy appointment in Ethiopia. Yes, I did say waiting, waiting again. This typically happens 6-8 weeks after the adoption has been approved in the Ethiopian High Court. If all goes well, we think we may be traveling as soon as July.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Amharic, Part II
So Monday, Ms. A, eagerly came over to our house. The plan was for an hour language exchange, but we ended up working together for two hours. Daniel gets very excited and passionate about teaching people English, which is a good thing, as that is his profession. Ms. A came over with a list of body parts in Amharic, and we practiced saying hair, head, eyes, lips, teeth, arm, hands, finger in Amharic. And, also trying to remember the phrases and greetings she and taught us before. I wish I was better at learning a new language. I am always amazed by those adults that can speak 3 (or more) languages. I wish I could just learn by osmosis.
Daniel started his census job last week. He did a week of training and then will start going door to door to enumerate in the afternoons this week. He was excited to have a young Ethiopian man in his work group and has been practicing his new language skills with him.
Daniel started his census job last week. He did a week of training and then will start going door to door to enumerate in the afternoons this week. He was excited to have a young Ethiopian man in his work group and has been practicing his new language skills with him.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Amharic
Today two lovely Ethiopian girls came over to our house, in what we hope will be a chance to learn each others languages. Daniel had met and been talking with some Ethiopians that work at the store around the corner. He approached the young woman about coming to our home and meeting me and possibly trading Amharic and English lessons. She called him several times about the opportunity and seemed very interested. This evening she came over with her cousin to meet us, and they spent about 2 hours at our place. We weren't sure what to expect, Ms. A, has been in the US for about a year and can speak enough English to survive, but not enough to make conversation easy. She is in her early 20's. Her cousin, Ms. B, is also in her early 20's and has been in the US for several months and seems to speak/understand English a little better. What brave women! We struggled through conversation and they understand that we want to learn some Amharic because we are adopting a child from Ethiopia. They are both hoping to learn English well enough to take a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) class, and begin the path to becoming nurses. After our time together, Ms. A, agreed to come back on Monday for our first round of language lessons.
Upon their departure, I immediately headed to the bookstore for an Amharic phrase book and dictionary. They both kept telling me their language was really easy, but I am not convinced.
Upon their departure, I immediately headed to the bookstore for an Amharic phrase book and dictionary. They both kept telling me their language was really easy, but I am not convinced.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Henna Hand
The product of craft night yesterday with Manju. Afterward, I panicked, I have to be fingerprinted on Thursday for the FBI/homeland security. Yikes! But I guess my fingerprints are still there, right. And it will probably wear off by Thursday anyway.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The 50% Plan
Over the next 12 months:
Drive your car 50% less
Consume 50% more local goods
Eat 50% more local foods
Reduce household waste by 50%
Replace 50% of your lawn with fruits and vegetables
Use 50% less water
Increase you community participation by 50%
Consume 50% less
Work 50% less
Produce 50% less
Enjoy life 100% more
This is a plan that Daniel read in his Adbusters magazine, and that he/we are trying to follow. This is what we have been doing/contemplating.
Drive your car 50% less - We definitely have this down since moving to P-town. Working from home for me and living in a walking neighborhood and a biking town. To reduce it 50% more...hmmm that might be tough. The only place I drive regularly is the gym, and yes, the irony of that is not lost on me.
Consume 50% more local goods - I have always enjoyed buying from the local artisans and local shops. I make it a habit to visit all the street fairs in the summer to buy local goods...now I just have an excuse to do what I already love doing.
Eat 50% more local foods - We are trying not to buy produce from far away places like Mexico or Chile, not because we don't like Mexico and Chile, but because that food is being transported so far. It's been awhile since I had a fresh tomato (at home). I did break down yesterday and buy some grapes (from Chile). I was in a bad mood and the grapes were going to make it better...and they did. We are also in the process of buying a large quantity of local, happy, grass fed beef with our neighbors (to split the large amount and reduce cost). And we frequently buy produce at local farmers markets and co-ops.
Reduce household waste by 50% - Still trying to figure this one out... of course we recycle, and compost in the city container. I guess I need to finally build a compost bin for us. Buy things with less packaging? or don't buy things at all...that's right, consume 50% less.
Replace 50% of your lawn with fruits and vegetables - Daniel is planning the placement of his apple tree already and planning more garden space. I am trying to remind him we need some grass for our little guy to play in one day soon. I have been trying to convince Daniel to stop trying to get grass to grow on the side of the house (where is just dies), so now we are planning for a rock and fern/scrub garden there.
Use 50% less water - Working from home...I gave up frequent showering long ago! And we have been talking about rain barrels for awhile, and are getting closer to getting a few of those.
Increase you community participation by 50% - More regular attendance at church. The thought of a child in our home also brought this on.
Consume 50% less - A constant struggle. We are always reminding ourselves of this, and it's hard in a world that seems to be all about the newest and the best.
Work 50% less - I wish!!
Produce 50% less - This one we aren't really sure about. What does this mean?
Enjoy life 100% more - We can only hope....
Drive your car 50% less
Consume 50% more local goods
Eat 50% more local foods
Reduce household waste by 50%
Replace 50% of your lawn with fruits and vegetables
Use 50% less water
Increase you community participation by 50%
Consume 50% less
Work 50% less
Produce 50% less
Enjoy life 100% more
This is a plan that Daniel read in his Adbusters magazine, and that he/we are trying to follow. This is what we have been doing/contemplating.
Drive your car 50% less - We definitely have this down since moving to P-town. Working from home for me and living in a walking neighborhood and a biking town. To reduce it 50% more...hmmm that might be tough. The only place I drive regularly is the gym, and yes, the irony of that is not lost on me.
Consume 50% more local goods - I have always enjoyed buying from the local artisans and local shops. I make it a habit to visit all the street fairs in the summer to buy local goods...now I just have an excuse to do what I already love doing.
Eat 50% more local foods - We are trying not to buy produce from far away places like Mexico or Chile, not because we don't like Mexico and Chile, but because that food is being transported so far. It's been awhile since I had a fresh tomato (at home). I did break down yesterday and buy some grapes (from Chile). I was in a bad mood and the grapes were going to make it better...and they did. We are also in the process of buying a large quantity of local, happy, grass fed beef with our neighbors (to split the large amount and reduce cost). And we frequently buy produce at local farmers markets and co-ops.
Reduce household waste by 50% - Still trying to figure this one out... of course we recycle, and compost in the city container. I guess I need to finally build a compost bin for us. Buy things with less packaging? or don't buy things at all...that's right, consume 50% less.
Replace 50% of your lawn with fruits and vegetables - Daniel is planning the placement of his apple tree already and planning more garden space. I am trying to remind him we need some grass for our little guy to play in one day soon. I have been trying to convince Daniel to stop trying to get grass to grow on the side of the house (where is just dies), so now we are planning for a rock and fern/scrub garden there.
Use 50% less water - Working from home...I gave up frequent showering long ago! And we have been talking about rain barrels for awhile, and are getting closer to getting a few of those.
Increase you community participation by 50% - More regular attendance at church. The thought of a child in our home also brought this on.
Consume 50% less - A constant struggle. We are always reminding ourselves of this, and it's hard in a world that seems to be all about the newest and the best.
Work 50% less - I wish!!
Produce 50% less - This one we aren't really sure about. What does this mean?
Enjoy life 100% more - We can only hope....
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